Every January, organisations reset themselves. New goals, new metrics, new initiatives. And, inevitably, another round of conversations about workplace behaviour: What’s acceptable now? What isn’t? What’s changed this time?
But if the past year has shown us anything, it’s this:
Most organisations are not struggling because they lack policies.
They are struggling because they lack respect in practice.
I see this repeatedly. The paperwork exists. The training has been delivered. The boxes have been ticked. And yet the same issues keep surfacing, sometimes quietly, sometimes explosively.
That’s because culture is not built in documents. It’s built in behaviour. And behaviour is driven by respect, or the absence of it.
The Myth of “Common Sense”
I hear this phrase constantly:
“We just need people to use their common sense.”
I understand why it’s appealing. It sounds reasonable, sensible, grown up. But it’s also deeply flawed.
Common sense is shaped by who you are, where you’ve come from, what you’ve experienced, what you’ve been allowed to get away with, and what you’ve been punished for. It is not universal. It never has been.
Which is why two people can experience the same moment and walk away with completely different interpretations. One thinks it was harmless. The other thinks it crossed a line. Both believe they’re being reasonable.
When leaders say “use your common sense”, what they often mean is “use my judgement”. And that’s where things start to unravel.
Strong workplaces don’t rely on assumed common sense. They create shared understanding. Clear expectations. Agreed boundaries. Language people can actually use when things feel off.
That takes effort. And yes, it’s harder than pretending everyone sees the world the same way.
Humour Is Not the Enemy. Carelessness Is.
Let me be clear, because this often gets misunderstood.
I am not anti-humour at work. Some of the healthiest teams I know laugh a lot.
But humour without awareness is risky. Not because people have suddenly become fragile, but because the room is rarely as simple as we imagine it to be.
Different ages. Different roles. Different power dynamics. Different histories.
A joke that lands perfectly at 11 am with close colleagues can land badly at 5 pm in front of someone new, junior, or already on the edge.
Humour isn’t the issue.
Carelessness is.
Carelessness about who is listening.
Carelessness about how something might land.
Carelessness about impact.
Respect is not about shutting people down. It’s about tuning people in.
Reading the room. Noticing when something shifts. Being willing to adjust rather than double down.
Done well, respect doesn’t kill humour. It makes it safer, sharper and more inclusive.
Why Early Intervention Is Non-Negotiable
One of the most frustrating patterns I see is how often small moments are allowed to grow into big problems.
A comment that could have been resolved in thirty seconds becomes a formal process.
An awkward interaction turns into weeks of tension.
A relationship that could have been repaired becomes difficult to salvage.
And when you ask why nothing was said earlier, the answers are depressingly familiar:
“I didn’t want to make it awkward.”
“I wasn’t sure it was my place.”
“I thought it would just pass.”
It rarely does.
Avoidance is not neutrality. It is a choice, and usually the wrong one.
Early intervention does not require grand speeches or HR language. Often it sounds like:
“That didn’t land the way you think.”
“Can we pause and reset this?”
“Before this becomes bigger, can we talk?”
No blame. No theatrics. Just adults addressing something early, proportionately and respectfully.
We train people extensively on systems, targets and performance. We do almost nothing to equip them to handle moments of discomfort well. And then we act surprised when things escalate.
Rules Create Structure. Respect Creates Culture.
There is a persistent belief that if policies are tight enough, behaviour will follow. It doesn’t work like that.
I’ve seen organisations with immaculate policies and awful behaviour.
I’ve also seen organisations with imperfect paperwork and genuinely respectful cultures.
The difference is leadership behaviour.
People copy what they see.
If leaders interrupt, others interrupt.
If leaders avoid accountability, others do too.
If leaders apologise properly, teams learn that repair matters more than ego.
Culture is not taught once. It is reinforced daily through small actions.
How people greet each other.
How emails are written.
How pressure is handled.
Whether mistakes are met with curiosity or punishment.
Rules give you a framework.
Respect determines whether that framework holds.
Power Changes Everything
Another reality many organisations still resist is power.
Hierarchy matters. Authority matters. Titles matter. Even when we pretend they don’t.
The same comment carries different weight depending on who says it.
A joke from a peer is not the same as a joke from a manager.
Feedback from a director does not land like feedback from a colleague.
Ignoring power does not make workplaces fairer. It makes them more confusing and, often, less safe.
If you want a respectful culture, you have to acknowledge how power shapes experience. Once you do, many so-called “overreactions” start to make sense.
What Needs to Change
If organisations want fewer incidents, fewer complaints and healthier cultures, a few things need to happen.
First, stop pretending respect is obvious. Teach it. Model it. Reinforce it.
Second, stop relying on intention. Impact matters more.
Third, intervene earlier. Waiting makes everything harder.
Finally, leaders need to accept that culture follows their behaviour, not their statements.
We don’t need workplaces full of silence and fear.
We also don’t need chaos disguised as “banter”.
What we need are workplaces where people know the boundaries, feel confident to speak up, and trust that issues will be handled proportionately and fairly.
Respect is not soft.
It is not optional.
It is the backbone of any organisation that actually wants to function well.
And until we take that seriously, no amount of policy will save us.
